


Fix it a little

by Anonymous



Category: A Song of Ice and Fire & Related Fandoms
Genre: Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, F/M, Not Beta Read, POV Ned Stark, Random & Short
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-08-07
Updated: 2019-08-07
Packaged: 2020-08-11 14:33:54
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,364
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20155162
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/
Summary: --Jon squeezes his burned knuckles. Ned remembers the first time he had seen the burned hand when Jon came back from his first deployment. He remembers how Sansa had kissed it later when the two of them thought they were alone. Ned had watched from a distance and thought nothing of it. --





	Fix it a little

The first time Sansa brings Jon Snow home with her hand in his, Ned is wary, tired but against all reasons, hopeful.

The latter is mostly because he knows the kid. Of course he knows the kid, he's his nephew.

Jon isn't like Joffery, he's a good kid.

They've been dating for a while now, perhaps even longer than anyone of them truly knows so he swallows up his reluctance and tells Cat and Robb to give the boy a chance, to settle aside the discomfort and the squicky feeling in their chest once for the two of them, for Bran and Rickon not to tease the new couple.

Finally, he asks Arya too, Jon and her had always been close, pulling all nighters back in the days when Jon was the student body president of the local maths Olympiad team and Arya, his brightest junior, but the significance she places on him surprises and scares him.

Perhaps Arya should have thought better than to say things like how her sister is stealing him, and how she hates that she's losing him but then again, Ned knows that his little girl could never keep what's in her heart from him.

So for a frightening minute, he holds both her hands, calls out her name and says the words as slowly as he can, wondering how things got so wrong with both of his daughters in regards to the boy he brought home to be their brother.

"Do you like him that way too?"

Arya looks shocked, baffled and afterwards, when she has strained herself from denying any sort of 'feelings like that' and of course how she 'isn't gross like Sansa' she admits against his chest that she does love him so very much but not in the way that he thinks.

"Jon's been my friend. My best friend and brother mashed up together in one box. He's always understood how I felt, I could always go up to him and cry and I- he's my brother, best brother even before Robb, it.. it just feels wrong" she pauses and takes a deep breath. When she begins again, her voice cracks. "I'm also… I'm afraid that they'll leave me behind. Him and Sansa. I don't want... i dont want to lose them both. To feel as if I don't matter to either of them."

Ned rubs her shoulders and he knows, thinks back to Robert and he understands. Despite what happened between his son and Sansa, and what has happened between him and Sansa because of it, he misses his friend like he misses Brandon and Lyanna on days where thinking about them is a little less painful than how it usually is.

"Arya, child, I love your mother. Does that somehow make Benjen less important? I know it's frightening but you're Sansa's Sister and Jon's cousin. You're blood. They'll always love you, need you."

"And besides-" he cradles her little face in between his hands, and she looks like a small child then, long face and wide eyes, " you are irreplaceable."

Arya snorts. "That's lame." But there's a hint of a laugh in her voice and for now, that's enough for him.

Later, he'll think back on Arya's comment, a deep sickness pooling in his stomach.

'It feels wrong', she had said.

And He didn't disagree.

* * *

Jon and Sansa have a fight. Sansa moves back to her room from their apartment and Jon doesn't call her for two weeks whole and it feels like the fight was enough to break apart what had been a billion promises.

Or that's what Sansa thinks, sobbing with a plate of lemon cake and tears and bread crumbs on her face. She seems alright on some days, while during others, she's simply a horrible picture; with her unkept hair tangled worse than anything Arya ever had to face as a child and unwashed clothes that she has been wearing for four days straight.

It's also a picture that Rickon delights on secretly taking and selling to Arya for a few bucks.

Ned doesn't tell Catelyn, too busy with Sansa to even notice what her youngest had been doing. It's all in good fun and some day, Sansa would have a heck of a laugh.

He tries to contribute as well. Even thought with Sansa he has never really been sure what to say especially after Joffery.

It should stop him really.

But instead, he tries.

"You're so young. You'll find someone else, I promise."

Cat glares and Sansa starts sobbing again, a new fresh batch of tears spring up from her eyes and he immediately feels guilty.

Even though he isn't sure why.

"Two years, Ned! Its on the verge of a break up. They're still together right now. And thats what Sansa needs. To know that there's still a chance." She tells him late at night, face red like the way it gets when she's angry.

"She loves him. She wants him only. How could you tell her that she will find someone new?! That it's all gone and over!"

At her insistence, he knocks on Sansa's door. if his hands are a bit sweaty, Ned pretends not to notice.

They sit in awkward silence when she lets him in and somehow, Ned finds it in himself to apologise.

"I love him" she says, voice clearer than it has been since days." So much. And I messed up. It's my fault."  
That's hardly ever the case but Ned knows better than to butt in.

"I just.. he's. Jon is… I won't find anyone like him."

"Neither will he." He tells her." Whatever it was, wasn't your fault."

She is quiet for a moment.

" You remember when Jon got shot on the field?"

He blinks, he wonders why she's bringing that up. Ned remembers when Jon got back home, being dragged in a wheelchair just like Bran from the airport with the brightest smile on his face. He was walking again within months though he hadn't gone back to the army.

Sansa plays with a loose thread on her spare pyjamas that she left behind, and takes a deep breath. " He was shot on the chest twice. He almost didn't make it, you know. Even his heart stopped for a few minutes."

" What are you saying? It wasn't serious. He wasn't in any danger."

Sansa looks at him, " He was."

He hears himself curse And when he gets up in shock, his legs feel weak. "When did it happen? Why don't I-"

She cuts him off ." Your heart." Sansa pulls the thread entirely." Nobody wanted to tell you anything until we were sure so… by the time we told you that he was shot, Jon was already recuperating. After that, getting you all worked up by telling you how serious it was didn't really make sense. "

Ned slumps back to his chair.

" They were his friends." She whispers so softly, " people in his unit. And they just shot him. As if he was nothing."

He presses his hands to his head. For a moment, they shake.

They had told him he wasn't in any danger. " Why?"

"They thought Jon would get them killed" she lets out a bitter laugh, " They were court-marshalled the moment Jon woke up again. So much for their efforts to stay alive." She says bitterly.

Ned closes his eyes, presses his fingers to his sockets and wonders, what would Lyanna do to him? Jon almost died. And Ned surely failed him. He failed her. He should have never allowed the boy to join the army in the first place. Should have put his foot down. Should have screamed and threatened to do anything! Something! That would have stopped him.

"Father?"

He looks up and Sansa looks like she might cry. His little girl. Something like that, he can't imagine what Jon would be like. How it must have changed everything for him. Fo them.

How much was she hurting because he was hurting?

"Sansa."

She gets up, and steps closer to him. For a moment, he thinks she'll hug him but she presses her hands together as if to control the impluse and before he can move, the moment ends.

Sansa walks away to her empty desk. He watches her pretend for a moment, to find something worthless and he wonders if she'll find what just broke from his heart in her cupboard too. He should get up, take her in his arms and muss her head.

He doesn't.

Disappointment hangs in the air.

As does silence.

Sansa sighs and looks at him." I was pushing him too much and he got angry. That's why it's my fault. That's all there is to this." He expects her to continue but instead, she fixes her bed, takes out and spreads the blanket on it, and waits for him to leave.

He does.

"Goodnight Father."

When he comes back to bed, and Cat asks him how it went," Good" he tells his wife and goes to sleep.

* * *

He meets Jon the next morning.

Ned is resilient and resourceful so he eventually finds Sam Tarly and finds Jon too. Bunking in his friend's spare room.

Jon sits with his arms on his thighs and head low. He's lost weight, a lot of it and with the big dark circles beneath his eyes, so perhaps he has lost the ability to sleep as well. He wonders what Lyanna would say to them both.

He wonders if she would hate him.

Ned sips from the cup of tea that Sam's wife left for him.

Jon looks up eventually." I've taken my things from the apartment. Tell her that she can live there if she wants to."

He puts the cup back on the table. Sansa can't afford the cost of it alone." You said you wouldn't hurt her."

"Uncle." The boy says, voice strained. " I didn't want to. I never wanted to. I'm sorry."

"I know what happened, that you almost.. died" Ned chokes on the word, can't bring himself to say it aloud. He swallows then instead, "Sansa said she was pushing you."

"I was glad when they said they hadn't told you the whole truth of it-" Jon shakes his head, "she wasn't. She was being kind."

"So why Jon?"

Jon squeezes his burned knuckles. Ned remembers the first time he had seen the burned hand when Jon came back from his first deployment. He remembers how Sansa had kissed it later when the two of them thought they were alone. Ned had watched from a distance and thought nothing of it.

"All she wants is for me to go back being" he grits his teeth, "-being the Jon Snow that wasn't fucking murdered by his brothers. And I can't. I can't be him again."

Ned lets his word drown in the silence. Let's Jon sink back into it. He knows where the boy is now. He had been there too." She told me she loved you." The boy looks up, eyes gleaming with tears." That she wanted you only."

"She shouldn't." He says, " she was, she was scared of me. Of me! When we fought, I know she thought that I would hurt her. I know she did! Did she tell you that? Did she tell you that she was working two shifts cuz I can't keep a fucking job? That we haven't had a proper conversation in weeks? That I was too rough the last time we - " He looks away.

"Do you love her?"

Jon looks like he might cry." I always will. I'm not right for her Uncle. Not right at all. I told myself I wouldn't become him, that fucking pedo leech. I'm a different kind of leech right now. Just the same. All day I stay here. All day I just drag her down."

"Jon, you are not your father".

"But I feel like I am."

"Why won't you try to get better? Why are you hiding here? Go to a therapist. Let the people who can help you, help you. "

"Uncle I- I dont think they can."

Ned squeezes his fists, deep breaths, he tells himself. You poor boy,

" You will call her and you will talk to her, you will tell her that it's not her fault." He begins again softly, "And when she tells you that it's not yours either. Try and believe that. You went through something horrible Jon. And it has changed you. There's nothing wrong with that son. Nothing wrong with needing a little help to deal with the change either. You will go in therapy. You will deal with all your issues. And you will talk to her. You will talk to Sansa because she loves you and you love her. She won't understand anything until you let her. It won't be the same. But nothing ever is."

Jon looks at him cheeks strained with tears." What if I never get better?" He asks voice so soft and tired that it breaks Ned's heart all over again.

He reaches out and presses his shoulder, " Don't give up hope. I know things have been difficult but you mustn't lose heart. You need to try, Jon. Doesn't she deserve that at the very least?"

Jon nods and then he reaches out and presses himself against his chest.

Ned holds him as tight as he can.

-

When he comes back home, Cat opens the door with a wide smile." He called," she tells him and kisses him lightly.

Sansa's in her room while the rest of the kids sit pressing their ear to the door.

"Heard anything?" He asks and Arya grins when she sees him just as Rickon exclaims that it was her idea to spy.

"No, it wasn't!" Bran laughs, moving his wheelchair to make way for him, " We found you like this!"

He sits with the kids as they try to banter as quietly as they can before Robb comes home and ushers them away.

"I brought ice cream." Robb tells him, "just in case. Jeyne's home, making a cake for her too."

Ned nods, but he hopes it wouldn't be necessary.

It isn't.

* * *


End file.
